If Only

or, Breaking Free From What Holds Us Back

Shortly before Christmas, my wife waved me over to her desk. As I approached, she got up (with a hint of a tear in her eye?) and pointed to the screen of her laptop, the universal sign for you need to watch this. Dutiful husband that I am, I sat down and pressed play. I watched as someone wrote in a fogged window with their finger, and then a young man began to play the piano.

My ears were greeted with the opening bars of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” one of the more recognizable, and most covered, songs of the last 30 years. You may not recognize the name of Leonard Cohen, or the title “Hallelujah,” but if you’ve been to the movies within the last few decades, listened to the radio, or watched television, chances are you’ve heard this song in some form. It’s been covered by dozens of artists, from John Cale (who did it best), to the likes of Rufus Wainwright (on the “Shrek” soundtrack!), Celine Dion, and Bon Jovi (seriously). More recently, it was sung to great effect by Meena, the young and talented elephant, in the movie “Sing.” Intrigued at what new take on this song could have prompted such a reaction from my bride, I leaned forward and listened with interest.

I’ve heard about this baby boy

Who’s come to earth to bring us joy

And I just want to sing this song to you

It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall, the major lift

With every breath I’m singing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Wait, did I just hear that right? A baby boy come to earth to bring us joy? Pretty sure those aren’t the original lyrics. A guitar joined the piano, and the singer moved onto the second verse.

A couple came to Bethlehem

Expecting child, they searched the inn

To find a place for You were coming soon

There was no room for them to stay

So in a manger filled with hay

God’s only Son was born, oh Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

This was indeed a reimagined version of the song, re-told as praise to the Christ child. Enter cello and percussion.

The shepherds left their flocks by night

To see this baby wrapped in light

A host of angels led them all to You

It was just as the angels said

You’ll find Him in a manger bed

Immanuel and Savior, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

As I listened to the haunting melody, and the powerful vocals, it was as if I was hearing the angels themselves guiding me towards Bethlehem. The song moved onward to Epiphany.

A star shown bright up in the east

To Bethlehem, the wisemen three

Came many miles and journeyed long for You

And to the place at which You were

Their frankincense and gold and myrrh

They gave to You and cried out Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I could smell the frankincense and the myrrh, their delicate fragrance drifting along the gold tinged edges of the vocals. The final verse then moved on to the real reason for the season, you and I and the boundless love of a Savior who would sacrifice himself for us.

I know You came to rescue me

This baby boy would grow to be

A man and one day die for me and you

My sins would drive the nails in You

That rugged cross was my cross, too

Still every breath You drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

The background music dropped out at the start of this last verse, back to just the piano and vocal, and then began to swell at “My sins would drive the nails in You,” reaching a peak with “Still every breath You drew was Hallelujah!” A chorus joined for the last two bars of “Hallelujah,” punctuated by chimes. It was gorgeous, and being familiar with the original song, wholly unexpected. I’ll admit that upon that first hearing, and just days away from Christmas, I was choked up. As I sat there after the song ended, the first thought that popped into my head was, “Ah, if only I could sing like that I would sing His praises from the rooftops.”

And there they were, the two most debilitating words in the English language; if only.

Chances are, ‘if only’ are old companions of yours. If only I could sing, or dance, or act, or write. If only I were taller, thinner, prettier, smarter. If only I had some talent or ability that God could use. If only I could speak in public (take my brother over here, he’s much better at that sort of thing). If only I was more articulate. If only I wasn’t so shy. And the grand-daddy of all the if onlys, if only I had more time.

A New Year is upon us. And from all prognostications, it’s sure to be a wild ride. Here’s an idea, instead of lamenting ‘if only,’ how about we replace it with ‘what if?’ What if I got up and sang or danced? What if I applied for that new job, or started that new business? What if I went to the gym, or went to church? What if I asked her out? What if I told the people who mean the most to me that I loved them?

The time for ‘if only’ is over. It’s time to get on with it. It’s time to see what’s possible, to take the risks, and see what happens. It’s time to start living, and making memories. It’s time for Ruthless Trust. Hallelujah.

P.A. Tennant – January, 2026

Soli Deo Gloria

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Photo: P.A. Tennant

The Cloverton cover of Hallelujah that inspired this is available on Vimeo:

Copyright 2026 Paul A. Tennant

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